by Suraji Wagage, PhD, JD
The global coronavirus pandemic has altered the way we live, adding a layer of uncertainty to our lives and increasing feelings of worry, anxiety, and depression. COVID-19 has begun to occupy nearly every headline and news story. Gathering places—gyms, bars, restaurants, workplaces—are being shuttered, and health experts discourage leaving the home for non-essential reasons and coming into close contact with other people. You or someone you know may have lost their job, and financial worries may be mounting. Within this new reality, you may find yourself, like many others, feeling increasingly anxious, disoriented, depressed, and adrift. Human beings rely on regular social contact to thrive and find stability in daily routines. Prolonged isolation negatively affects mood, increasing anxiety and sadness.
With the coronavirus spreading, new routines and new ways of living must be developed. You may find yourself wondering how to deal with these changes and how to continue living a rich, rewarding life under the restrictions that the pandemic has placed on us all. As so much around us changes, you may be thinking about your identity without a job or a routine that helps to define you. You may be feeling isolated or lonely. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help to clarify who you are and what matters most to you in order to live a valued, rewarding life, which is vitally important now as we live under certain constraints. You can begin this work today by using this effective strategy to discover and move toward what is most important to you in life.
1. Define your values in the areas most important to you. For each of the following areas, consider your values: directions that you can continue to move in for the rest of your life, as opposed to goals, which are specific and can be accomplished. For example, your values relating to friendship may involve being a thoughtful, honest, and responsible friend who can be relied upon in times of need to lend a helping hand or a listening ear and who expresses caring for others in words and actions (while a goal may be to call a friend who is having a hard time). These values can guide you indefinitely. They are directions rather than an endpoint to be reached. There are no right or wrong answers.
Family relationships: What kind of family member would you like to be? It may be helpful to think about family members who have made an impact on you and what you appreciated about them. Are these qualities you would like to embody?
Romantic relationships: How would you like to be as a romantic partner? What is important to you in romantic relationships, and what would your ideal relationship look like? How might you contribute to creating this partnership? Even if you are not currently in a romantic relationship, you can start living these values today.
Parenthood: Are you a parent? What kind of parent would you like to be? Imagine your child or children describing you. What would you like them to say?
Friendships and social relationships: What kind of friendships would you like to have, and how can you help to build them? What kind of friend would you like to be? Think of your most important friendships-- how would you describe these friends? What made these friendships special? What does it mean to you to be a good friend?
Academic/professional life: What is important to you academically or professionally, and how would you like to be in these roles? What kinds of qualities are important to you in this area? Think broadly-- you do not need to have a job or be in school to value qualities like being hardworking, diligent, and reliable and to value learning in all the forms it can take.
Spirituality: What does it mean to you to be spiritual? How is this area important to you?
Community: Think about how you would like to contribute to your community, your society, and the world. What does it mean to be a good citizen?
Recreation/leisure: How do you like to spend your free time, and what is important about how you spend this time?
Physical health and wellbeing: How is physical health and wellbeing important to you?
2. Prioritize according to the importance of each area and identify areas for growth. Rate how important each area is to you from 0 (not at all important) to 10 (extremely important). Next, rate how consistently you have lived your values in each area in the past week from 0 (not at all) to 10 (completely). For example, if one of your values regarding parenthood is to be an empathetic and forgiving parent while setting firm boundaries for your children, how consistently did you do this over the past week?
Practice self-compassion. No one is perfect, and we are all doing our best. Living consistently with your values is a lifelong practice. When you notice a difference between how important the area is to you and how consistently you have lived your values in that area in the past week (e.g., family relationships are 10/10 in importance but 5/10 in living your values), ask yourself what barriers may be getting in your way.
3. Take steps today to live consistently with your values. For the areas that are most important to you, consider some action steps that can be taken immediately to live your values more fully. Think creatively about how you can continue to live your values under the current constraints of the coronavirus pandemic. For example, can you sit down for a meal with family or friends through a video call? Can you call to check in with a loved one you haven’t spoken with recently? If you are accustomed to going to the gym, can you try exercising at home using online videos as a guide? Can you talk to others about how they have been impacted? Can you take a free online course, or bake cookies, or take up a new hobby? Can you make a small donation for medical supplies? You can live your values as fully now as you could before the COVID-19 pandemic, though your action steps may be modified to fit the current circumstances. Try taking one step per day for the next week, remembering that each step, no matter how small, is a step toward living your values. Living your values can help manage feelings of anxiety and depression and improve overall mental health, but if you are struggling, you may wish to seek the help of a therapist. Click here for more information about the cognitive behavioral treatment of depression and anxiety.
This technique is based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a newer, mindfulness-based form of cognitive behavioral therapy (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 1999).
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K.D., & Wilson, K.G. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavioral Change. New York: Guilford.